Lights coming through my window have always been my favorite. They seem to inspire and relax me with every way they break as they come through the delicate sand. Sand because, it is pressed down hard and melted to create what we know as window. Maybe I am just being silly though, maybe I am thinking of mirrors. Windows have always seemed like a protection for me. From the elements, from the noises of the chatty kids on the street, but never from the light. The only protection from the light is the turning of the earth. The light is the one thing I do not want protection from! The light is so pure, bright, warming, amazing. The best time of day to have the blinds up is right in the morning or at sunset. This is when there is no protection from the sun, the sun blares straight into the window and in the eyes. It is blinding. I know I should not look into the sun, it can damage the eyes and could affect me for my whole life. But my eye sight is already shit and looking into one of the only soluses in my life is worth the pain. At night I find myself missing the sun. I love the long day of summer when you can run around in the sun and let it kiss your skin in every part of your body. Winter can be depressing with the short days and the covered bodies. Night is almost worse than winter. I have Christmas lights that I have always expertly put up near my windows. This is maybe to mock the light which I miss so. The light of life is my love, and in return it visits me most days and gives life to everything around me. I mean, without the sun, there could really be very little life. Without life, what purpose would the sun really have? I suppose the sun owes me one too. Maybe, secretly, I am the only one the sun rises for. Wouldn’t that be an interesting idea. Everyone always says how, oh honey, you’re the only reason I wake up in the morning. Well me and the Sun must have that same kind of relationship.
The light coming through my window is kind. It gives me creativity and clarity of the head. It creates a productive Caitlin who would rather do homework and work on chemistry than sit around and watch Hulu all day long. I can be in the worse mood, but spending a few minutes soaking in that warm beautiful sun is all I need. It centers my soul. I don’t always think so figuratively about the sun, don’t get me wrong. It sounds like I am in love with the sun and we have an affair that no one knows about. No, the sun is just the sun. The light through my window is just something that helps me save money on my electricity bill. It is plain and simply the sun.
The light coming through my window is normal. Everyone had light that comes through there window. This is no unique experience for me. Why does it feel so unique? At times, I believe I am the only one who must be living in the moment. Feeling the sun on their skin. Having the sun peak through their window and place lines on their desk. It feels like an intimate moment of isolation. Yet, how many others are also having this moment? Is anything that I really feel ever in isolation. When I look into my loves eyes and feel the spark, how many others also feel the tingle of love running through their bodies? When I lay on the grounding sobbing, how many others are sobbing with me? Are we ever alone in how we feel? Should I feel more solus in knowing I am never alone, or should I feel more a sense of individuality being ripped from my bones? Inside, how different are we? Too many questions, with a very simple answer.
The light coming through my window might not be so different. The feels I feel may not be so different. The person that I am may not be that different. However, I am special. I know I am the only person who walk, talks, and looks like me. I am the only person who can truly identify what is going on inside my head. I am the only one in my room watching the light go through my window. I cannot explain this feeling of individuality, but it is forever lurking in my psyche. I love the feeling of being the only one. I prey on that feeling inside my own mind. If anyone else is like me, I throw those allegations out into the garbage and I find the ways that they are different than me. Mostly I find the reasons that they are lesser than me. Isn’t it normal to find the worst in others that may be competing against you for the resources you seek? The light coming through my window is just my light and it is no one else’s. I am the one who deserves that moment and that warmth and that understanding. No one else is allowed to be there in that moment with me.
The light coming through my window. Its yellow. Maybe it’s orange. But it always does the same. Makes the darkness a little bit lighter. Maybe that’s why I will never let myself live in a place with no windows. In fact, I insist on being near windows constantly.
